Guest Spots: Fang Island on Teenar, Girl Guitar

By Kyle Gilkeson
April 25, 2011
Fang Island - s/tFang Island: s/t (Sargent House, 2/23/10)

Fang Island: “Sideswiper”

[audio:|titles=Fang Island: “Sideswiper”]

Fang Island, with its three-guitar attack and lightning-fast riffs, knows a few things about shredding. Logic dictates that it also knows a fair amount about guitars. For guitarist Nicholas Sadler, there’s one axe in particular that stands out: a weirdly human girl-guitar of mysterious origins. In this piece penned for ALARM, Sadler laments the fact that he didn’t conceive of the musical mannequin first and goes on to explain what exactly makes Teenar so magical.

I Wish I Had Thought of This First: Teenar, Girl Guitar
By Nick Andrew Sadler

Teenar, Girl Guitar

My name is Nick Sadler, and though I hate guitar players, I love guitars. This one is a work of mad genius. Here is Teenar, my dream guitar, at what could be a middle-school, father-daughter dance with her pervert-savant creator / daddy,  “Sunset” Lou Reimuller. I am absolutely enamored with Teenar, and I really wish that I had thought of this first.

Teenar is totally baller, outfitted from head to toe in vintage clothing, without arms, ahead of her time with a set of fiery Beavis-legs, and sporting a smart, belly-thru-body guitar that peeks out from behind her bodacious, above-the-knee, low-cut denim skirt. Cute! Teenar, Girl Guitar also has 21 frets on a beautiful blond neck that has been carefully integrated into her never-developing torso, two skin-colored, single-coil pickups that straddle her rock-hard bellybutton, and a fleshy six-string, yummy-tummy bridge, just like the one that my big sis got when she moved out of the house and began dating [Mikey] “Bug” [Cox] from Coal Chamber.

Lou is rocking a pair of sleek, get-in-the-van sunglasses, what looks like no eyebrows, a dick-hair wig, and he has totally been body-snatched.

I tried to find more than blogs that have just a few comments about the Teenar pics and attempted to establish some direct link to Lou, but my efforts resulted in mostly nothing beyond a set of photographs taken in 1986 and one from, I think, around now. These two remain ever mysterious, and all we have is mere speculation surrounding some really amazing shots. Outside of her insane haircut, there is no reason that we need to see Teenar from behind, so thanks, Dad.

Anything more that I have to say about Teenar is probably already surfacing in your mind and then some. The one thing that I want to add to all of this is that I hope you become inspired and decide to make something of your own, and that it be as free and brave a creation as this. Let Teenar be a muse for your creative mind, and please send examples of Teenar-inspired work to

By Kyle Gilkeson April 25, 2011
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